and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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