He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
