Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
