I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
