why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
