I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
