it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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