Sober January is a disaster.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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