my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
