last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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