i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
