I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
