I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
two words: eviction party
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
