God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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