walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
