dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
