Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i barfeds in our rink
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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