So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's blow job season.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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