instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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