If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
