You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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