CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
