Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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