Moan for me like Helen Keller
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
