Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
