Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
