can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
