He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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