her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
