Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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