Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
