oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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