fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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