Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
