Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
