Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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