You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
