I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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