im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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