So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
