Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
