Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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