Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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