I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
