I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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