I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
