Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
