i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
