drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
