I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
