I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
