There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need moral support for this bender
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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