Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
