Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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